A long time ago, I was bopping along in my Piper 180 Arrow at 10,000 feet, IFR in VFR conditions,
from Boston to Kalamazoo. It had taken me 20 minutes to get that high -- 10 of that for the last 2,000 feet. Then, Cleveland
Center asked me to climb to 11,000 feet for traffic...
Me: You mean it?
ARTCC: Sure do.
Me: Do I hafta?
Me: Okay ... but it's gonna take me ten minutes or better.
ARTCC: Okay, then if I ask you to descend to 9,000
for ten minutes, how long will it take you to get back to 10?
Me: Oh, 'bout the same, 1MV.
ARTCC: Okay, I guess I'll
have to go to plan B.... 1MV, maintain one-zero thousand. United 123, turn right 20-degrees for traffic; American 456, maintain
niner thousand for opposite direction traffic, 12 o'clock 10 miles at 10 thousand; Trans World 789, cancel direct, turn right
250-degrees, and stop the descent at 0ne-two.
While coming into Grand Forks on a rather slow day, I was awaiting the freq change to tower...
Me: Approach N*** looking for tower.
Them: N*** 12 o'clock, 11
miles. It's the tall one.
Them: (laughing) N*** squawk VFR contact tower eighteen four have a
(...Maybe they could see my expression through the radio.)
N1234: Approach, N1234, we can turn northbound anytime.
Approach: Roger, N1234. How about Tuesday afternoon?
N1234: Standby while we check our fuel, N1234.
You know it's election season when...
Heard on the Green Bay ATIS broadcast:
"...advise on initial contact that you have information Bravo. I'm Green Bay Ground Control
and I approved this ATIS."
Me: Approach N*** looking for tower.
Them: N*** 12 o'clock, 11 miles. It's the tall one.
(laughing) N*** squawk VFR contact tower eighteen four have a good day.
(...Maybe they could see my expression
through the radio.)
A student pilot was on a cross country solo flight to Santa Barbara. Eager to fly "heavy metal" he contacts approach at
5,500 feet for flight following...
N12345: ...approach, Cessna 12345 checking in at flight level 550.
Approach (after a long pause): Roger, Cessna 12345 ... you can contact NASA at 368.2 for further advisories!
While flying IFR between Indianapolis, IN and Columbia, MO my wife and I encountered some mild
turbulence at 6000. She's a nervous flier, so I decided it would be a good idea to find some smoother air.
N12345: Center, Cessna 12345 would like to climb to 8 for smoother air.
Center: 345, climb approved.
Cessna N12345: 345 level 8.
Center: 345 it looks like you've picked up 10kts.
Center, Mooney 456 would like to pick up 10kts too!
Center: Mooney 456, climb approved.
Another Airbus story...
There is a certain airline that flies Airbus A319s out of Lindberg. The following was overheard
Controller: Roger [A319], turn left heading 140.
A319: (No answer)
Controller: [A319], Left turn, please. Now make the heading 120. Good rate, please.
A319: Ah, Departure, the airplane won't let us do that.
Controller: Would you mind putting the airplane on the radio, then?
On an a typical IFR day on the East coast of Florida, I heard a Piper Cherokee check in with Miami Center...
Cherokee N123: Miami Center, Cherokee N123 at 4000, ATIS for Palm Beach. Miami Center: Cherokee N123, maintian
Cherokee: Center, I'll need to get lower to land at Palm Beach.
Center: Cherokee N123, let me see
what I can arrange.
Center: Cherokee N123, I've got good news. Apparently, you'll be landing at
4000 feet today.
Short runway, shorter fuse, and usually carrying less animated cargo... Tower: Understand you're without
cargo today. If you're light, cleared for runway 6.
N1234: All I have on board is my wife ... and she's heavy, but not THAT heavy. (pause)
Tower: Roger N1234, and she's flying with you, now?
N1234: Yep, she's got her headset on and is punching the heck out of me. Cleared to land runway 6, N1234.
Tower: Copy. ...We'll roll the trucks.