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A man comes into the Emergency Room and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to
the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several cabs, and
I was in the wrong one.
(Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX)
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At
the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big
breaths, " I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the
patient.
(Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA)
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One
day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not
more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest
of the family that he had died of a "massive internal
fart."
(Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada )
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I
was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again,
a flawless read. "Now both,"
I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large
E on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done
exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his
eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
(Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA )
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During
a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble
with one of his medications." Which one?" I asked. "The
patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
now
I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
man
had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions
include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
(Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA)
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While acquainting
myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion
she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years- when
my husband was alive."
(Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis,
OR)
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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and
asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the
Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
get used to the taste." the
patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet labelled
"KY Jelly."
(Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI)
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A
Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a
variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
quickly determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above
it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass." Once the
surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
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