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AT&T Telemarketing
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One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by
a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such
occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me.  The
call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T ...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T:Yes, this is AT&T ...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES!  This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr.  Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid five minutes
thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone.
Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were
still waiting.

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T:Yes sir.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this is AT&T.
AT&T:Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr.  Byron.
Me: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks
for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can
express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not
interested", but this lady was persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a
minute, but she at no time used the word rate.  I could clearly
see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do
a little ciphering.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
sir, that's right!  24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That's right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one
big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you
send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7
days a week, 365 days a year.  That comes to $144 per day, $1,008
per week and $52,560 per year.  I'm just interested in knowing
how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you.  You pay us
10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!!  Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents
a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T sir but ...
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll
give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute?
Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme?  I've read
about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.  Don't use your
alien brainwashing techniques on me.
AT&T: No sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for ...
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN!  Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now!  What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold on.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold.  I
begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor.  After a wait of
a few minutes, and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10
cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food.  It was all I could
do to suppress my laughter, and I had to be careful not to
produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me
so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person
who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry.  I needed
to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but
polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing up for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing, because you can
never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really
like to have a little brother ...
AT&T: (click)