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Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your last name stays put.
You don't have to shave below
your neck.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
adjustment.
The
garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can
be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Foreplay is optional.
You never feel compelled
to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone
notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this
one's
just too icky.
Same work...more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $2000; tux rental
$100.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The
occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn
movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your
pals can be trusted never to trap you with "so, notice
anything different?".
One mood, all the damn time.
And
don't forget.....phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You
can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to public toilets
without a support group.
You can leave a motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You know stuff
about tanks.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you
to something, he or she can
still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and
single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from
the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the
meter reader is
coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without
ever thinking "he must
be mad at me."
No maxi-pads.
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without
having to bring a little
gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
might become
lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and
think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable
to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
Your belly usually hides
your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You
have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on
December
24th, in 45 minutes
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