Mood: not sure
Boy have I got a strange mix of thoughts going through my mind tonight. I watched Secondhand Lions a little bit ago. That was a pretty good movie.
After the movie was over, I came in here to goof around on the net for a while before going to bed. I didn't turn the light on when I came in here, so I noticed that the moon was shinning bright outside. That is a bit odd right now as it has rained about every night for a while. This drew me outside. Shortly after going outside is when everything started going through my mind. I hate it when that happens, I always have a lot of unanswered questions come up.
The flow started by looking at the moon of all things. It reminded me of being with Jennifer when she showed me the rabbit in the moon. Up until then, I've just seen the face. That led to me wondering what went wrong that ended our relationship. I don't know what happened other than I stopped feeling the way I used to about her.
Then Ashly came to mind. Why is it that she always acted like she was sincerely interested in being around me when she was around me. But she never returned my calls. Even though she gave me her cell number, her address, and I gave her my number, I've only talked to her when I saw her on campus.
I've called her several times, but she never answered. Several times I've left a messege asking her to call me back, but she never did. I've went to her apartment many times, but she was never there.
Back when we had calculus, we talked most of the time. I could talk to her like she was an old friend. That doesn't normally happen to me with beautiful girls that I've recently met, as I'm usually to nervous to say much. We talked about a lot of subjects, probably laughed at the teacher more than anything as he is a goofball.
I was feeling pretty damn good after that Friday morning that I asked her to go bowling with me on Sunday. Unfortunately, we didn't set a time or place to meet, but she gave me her number so I could call her later about that. I was too nervous to call her Friday or Saturday, but finally tried it early Sunday afternoon.
She never answered. The next day in class she said that her mom took her phone by mistake, and thats why she didn't answer it. Ok, that can easily happen, so I didn't think much about that, just wishing that I had called a day or two earlier like I should have.
That happened right at the end of the semester, and with all of the research papers that I had to write, I knew I didn't have time to spend doing other things, so I didn't try to set up anything else. We did have lunch together in the cafeteria for Thanksgiving, (although some of her other friends were there too) and she said we should do that again sometime.
When I saw her at the start of the next semester, she said I should come by sometime. I promptly asked her where she lives at so I could do that. When I asked her why she hadn't returned my calls, she said she was having problems with her phone, and that she was trying to get another one. Ok, sounds a little fishy, but she just gave me her address, so I figure she is being honest.
Well the only thing I succedded in with knowing her address is making myself where the line is between a guy being interested in meeting up with a girl and being a stalker. I kept going back to her apartment hoping that I would finally be able to catch up with her. I wasn't being my normal chicken self with her and I really wanted to keep that ball rolling.
The one time that I actually caught up with her alone (its a bit easier for me to ask tricky questions when alone) was when she was walking to class, and I was driving to work. I did another thing that was really stupid right there. She invited me to a game that I think she was in. I was scheduled to fly during the game, so I told her I wouldn't be able to go to it, and didn't try to remember the game's time and location. I then asked her when would be a good time to catch her at home, and she simply said not on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Great, lots of help there.
Holding true to my luck, I wasn't able to fly when I was supposed to. Although I tried looking on the college website and asking several people, I couldn't find any info about a game that day.
I know I messed up a couple of good oportunities, but why has she acted the way she has? Why act interested in seeing me when were talking face-to-face, but never call me? Why did I have to like her as much as I do/did, break my normal ways and actually try to do something about it, but get nothing but confusion out of it? Sometimes I wish that I'll never see or think of her again. But the other times, I want to see her more than anything.
I just tried calling her again a couple of days ago. I want to find out why things happened the way they did. No luck, she didn't answer her phone yet again. So I'm still left here wondering...
Amazing what looking at the moon kicks up in my mind isn't it?