When you drop a cat it always lands on its feet and when you
drop a piece of toast it always lands buttered side down.
strapped a slice of toast to my cat's back, buttered side
up. He's been spinning inches above the ground for a
Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know
WHY? Because no one else in
this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know
that the bulb is BURNED
OUT!! They would sit in the dark for
THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it
out, they wouldn't
be able to find the light bulbs despite the
fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17
YEARS! But if
they did, by some miracle of God, actually find
them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change
STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND
UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME
BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A
WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT
A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN
ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DARN HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What was
3 Blondes Were Walking in the Forest
3 blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and
started arguing about what kind of tracks they were.
The first blonde said, "I think they're deer tracks".
blonde said, "I think they're dog tracks".
The third blonde said, "Well, I think they're cow tracks".
They were still
arguing when the train hit them.